Pumping…a mom’s view.

This is a unique situation. Ever since “we” started our blog, every post has been written by Matt, but for the first time I decided it was time for me to try my luck with writing.

The topic of this post is something very personal and not necessarily directly related to Isabella’s cleft lip and palate, but to motherhood in general and our journey. Pumping….

Many new, first time moms feel the pressure to breastfeed, and if they aren’t able to breastfeed they are encouraged to pump. While this works for some moms, for some moms it doesn’t. There are tears, emotions run high, and sometimes moms have to resort or chose to to make the switch to formula, and there is nothing wrong with that!

The minute we found out Isabella was to be born with a cleft lip and palate I started wondering what that meant for me and feeding her. As a first time mom you hear the stories of the “joy of breastfeeding.” Did Isabella’s cleft mean I was not going to be connected to her or was I going to miss out on that “joy”?

Our initial meeting with Lancaster Cleft Palate Clinic was amazing. Matt and I had our initial meeting with Suzanne and Abbie and we felt like we were meeting with part of our family. They had all the answers to my book of questions before I even had a chance to ask them. One of my questions was “how do I feed her?” They immediately told me I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed her and that I shouldn’t feel guilty about that. They shared that even though the hospital and nurses would know that she was to be born with the cleft that they still would encourage me to try. Abbie told me upfront that I needed to advocate for myself and tell them that I would learn to pump and would feed Isabella from the beginning from her unique Dr. Brown bottle. Abbie shared that I could try to breastfeed but due to the cleft both Isabella and myself would end up getting frustrated and it would lead to disappointment.

As Matt and I prepared for Isabella’s arrival we went to several baby prep classes, but I avoided the ones regarding child birth (I was having a c section) and breastfeeding. I seriously wish there would have been a pumping class so I could have prepared for this. Exclusive pumping is not as common and I often felt alone when I came to any issues I was having with my pump.

Flash forward to the day Isabella was born…. I immediately got “acquainted” (if that’s what you want to call it) with pumping and what the next 14 months of my life was going to entail. I’ll spare you all the initial frustrations of learning to pump. The closeness of my husband and our dear nurses that I shared. There is no modesty those first few days, I will tell you that.

Feeding Isabella was hard, at least for me. Her first full day of life she was sent to the NICU in the morning at the same time as I got hooked up for a blood transfusion. I needed to have a blood transfusion due to the amount of blood I had lost during the C-section. I was able to take Isabella up to the NICU while in a wheelchair but I wasn’t able to stay with her. The head nurse immediately transported me back to my bed where I stayed for hours.

During my time in bed, Matt got to meet with the feeding specialist 1-on-1 and learned the unique way to feed Isabella from her bottle. She immediately learned it and was successfully eating from the bottle for Matt. It was quite the accomplishment for little Miss Isabella, however a stressful time for me.

Back in my room, in between getting my blood transfusions, I was learning how to pump. Some of this is still quite a blur to me as I was on some serious pain meds from my surgery, but I was pumping every 3 hours so that I could learn the process and help with my milk coming in. Pumping every 3 hours doesn’t just mean pumping. It includes pumping, labeling the bottles correctly, storing the milk properly, and washing all the parts of the pump for the next use. While in the hospital we had great nurses that helped us with this, even when Matt decided to stay asleep for night time pumping session (sorry honey, had to give you crap somewhere for that).

~~ Hey…you guys discussed it and decided to let me sleep…whatever. ~~

I mentioned it being a stressful time for me… it was because while Isabella was learning to take the bottle from Matt, she wasn’t learning how to take it from me. I didn’t get to feed my daughter for the first time until April 14 or 15th (Isabella was born on the 12th). I never got that 1-on-1 time with the feeding specialist and as a first time, emotional mom, I got very upset with one of the nurses my first time feeding Isabella. But we figured it out… day by day. Even our first days home, Matt was still the better one at feeding Isabella her bottle.

Back to the focus of this post… pumping… oh pumping….

I successfully exclusively pumped for 14 months. Hours of being attached to a device that essentially milked me. Ounces of water I had to drink just to stay hydrated. Thousands of ounces of milk pumped for Isabella. Hours upon hours of washing dishes (mostly Matt washing dishes). Pure and complete exhaustion. Hell, with the assistance of some of my girlfriends I even named my pump (Alejandro).

I was one of the lucky ones. I never had a supply issue, I never developed mastitis (although I did have a few clogged ducts), I never worried if I was going to have enough milk to feed my child and other than supplementing at the very beginning to assist Isabella with gaining weight, I never had to supplement with formula. We had to buy a deep freezer just to store the excess I was pumping on a daily basis.

14 months: at the beginning it was every 3 hours, I was pumping and feeding a baby (or Matt would feed while I pumped). My pump went everywhere with me. It was just as important as the baby bag. I pumped in the car, in random rooms, in my office at work, etc. I missed going on day trips because I didn’t know where I would be able to pump. I would use my lunch break to pump. At conferences I would use the breaks to return to my hotel room to pump. I often felt excluded from things because I had to go and pump. If I tried to push off pumping more than 3 hours (and trust me some nights I just wanted to go to bed and not pump) I would start to get uncomfortable and full or start leaking. Which is super unpleasant. Pumping became my lifestyle.

The most important thing was to come up with a schedule. Once returning to work I really had to figure things out, especially if I had work meetings or trainings I had to attend. I was often pumping 7-8 times a day. A normal pump schedule looked something like this:

5:30 (before Isabella got up)

9:00

12:00

3:00

6:00

10:00 (right before I went to bed)

Night time pump session based on when Isabella woke up for a feeding and then it would start all over again the next morning.

Slowly as Isabella got older and didn’t need as much I started weaning some of these pump sessions out until I was down to only a morning and night session. The best one that I got rid of was the middle of the night session. More sleep!!!

At her 1 year check up we asked her pediatrician about starting whole milk and when we could transition her. At 12 months of pumping I had reached my goal I had set for myself when we started this. But at that appointment the doctor stressed to us the importance of continuing with breast milk until after she had her palate surgery and recovery… so we added on an additional 2 months of pumping…

And now my pumping life has come to an end. I have packed up the pump and all it’s accessories and put it away! But with a good friend of mine just having her baby and working to figure out feeding and pumping I realized how important it was to share my story, my frustrations and my successes. I want to help moms see that it isn’t always easy, it isn’t always as joyful and glorious, it isn’t without its pain, tears and frustration and it doesn’t have to be taboo to speak about.

I want to encourage any moms to ask me about exclusively pumping, my schedule, what I ate, what I drank, and how I reduced my sessions. I am by no means a lactation consultant or a professional but I have been through it.

Some random thoughts…

I’ve really struggled with a title for this post and with good reason I think. I’ve had a few things that I’ve wanted to write a post about but between commitments and being sick for the last week or with a double ear infection (me, not Isabella) it’s just been tough.

As our journey as parents continues it’s amazing to not only see Isabella’s milestones, but some of our friends joining us on the journey with families of their own. Some of them have begun to see us as resource. I think everyone goes through it, but it’s always weird when you become an “expert” even though you feel like you still know just about nothing. Not only are we “experts” in baby, but obviously in craniofacial abnormalities (cleft lip and palate are two, but there are many other things that fall into that category) and the special issues that come along with those.

July is National Cleft and Craniofacial Awareness Month

When I worked in radio, each year we would do a radiothon that benefitted St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital and while I knew we were contributing to a great cause, the stories made the two days extremely long and emotionally draining. It brought our entire group together but also made me really consider how lucky I was as a child and as a friend to not know anyone personally impacted…but then that changed on December 8, 2016.

I was impacted.

Erin was impacted.

Our parents…our families…our friends….all impacted…directly.

To the extent of some of those St. Jude Radiothon stories? No. But still impacted…directly.

Thinking back over some of the conversations that I’ve had in the last 18 or so months one sort of sticks out. I was talking to my grandmother about everything and it was only when she said that she had never actually seen a child with a cleft that I realized how many people may go their entire lives and never understand how truly wonderful not only modern science is but also how insane the development process is for a new baby.

The doctors told us that Isabella’s cleft lip / palate was decided before our doctors could even determine if it was one or two babies. (Not sure if I ever mentioned that before, but for a long time they weren’t sure if there was a second heartbeat or if it was just an echo of Isabella’s).

 

By the stage shown above the cleft was already there. About 8 weeks gestation. That’s it. Before most people even go to the doctor it was already determined.

On December 8th we had a momentary set back. 1000s of questions and the internet (those two don’t go well together). But we got through it, past it, and now looking back…it was such needless worry. This kid is just the same as every other kid out there. Smart, funny, HUGE personality, and really outgoing.

So while we are spreading the awareness of her cleft, we also want to spread the awareness of her in general. As our doctors told us from the beginning, it’s part of her, but it in NO way defines her.

The dishwashing sucks…

You are probably thinking, “What?”

Well, after 14 or so months of daily cleaning of bottles, nipples, and pump parts…I’M DONE!

So one thing that none of those baby books or anyone tells you is the amount of dishwashing you do when your wife pumps and your baby needs to drink from a bottle.

So before I get into that, I just want to tell everyone how awesome my wife has been through what is probably one of those weirdest things that you can do in your life. From the odd “closeness” you got with me in the hospital and those first few days and the small celebrations we had early to finally ridding ourselves of the pump just a few weeks ago it’s been a journey.

So about that dishwashing…it’s every night. And with all of the parts of the bottles and pump it would take me about 20-30 minutes hand washing everything; and that was after we figured out that we could do some of the parts in the dishwasher (which also meant we ran the dishwasher daily as well).

So to any new parents or soon-to-be new parents, if you are planning to bottle feed and pump…you better be ready to get comfy in front of the sink. What is funny now is at the end of the night, after Isabella has gone to bed and we are getting all of our “night stuff” done before we head to bed, it feels like I’m missing something…then I remember, I don’t have 20 more minutes of dishes to do.

What’s new with Isabella?

At this point Isabella is 14 months going on 14 years. Little Ms. Independent is climbing on and off of furniture, steps, running around the backyard, and more.  She loves giving the dogs hugs and kisses and is never short on something to say. (Although she’s still not saying many “real” words.)

We head back to the Lancaster Cleft Palate Clinic in August and expect them to recommend speech therapy for her. We knew this would be a likely scenario for her and it will do nothing but help her down the line. We’re all good with it. With that said, I’m scared for when she can talk, because she’s already super animated…with words, I don’t know that I’ll be able to stop laughing.

Here are a few recent pics.

 

Thank you…again.

I feel like I say this at the end of every blog, but thank you. Thank you for supporting us, for checking out the blog and for following our story. Who knows where it will go next. We shall see.

If you want to help support the Lancaster Cleft Palate Clinic (our clinic) here is a link to donate. Obviously anything to support them is not expected nor needed, but with it being July I wanted to share the link.  If you do happen to donate, please add the note that it is in honor of Isabella Hannaford.