It’s been a year…let’s recap.

So I’ve been trying to figure out exactly when and about what I want to post on the blog. Life has been crazy and I’ve sort of gotten away from posting, but I’ve had several people mention to me about posting more to the blog so I think I’m going to try to do a few more posts in the coming weeks.  We have a lot going on and in our cleft journey this is going to be one of the most interesting parts.

It’s currently 10pm on Thursday, April 12, 2018 as I’m writing this. Erin is working on cleaning up the dishes from today and Isabella is in her crib sleeping. At this point, our hope is that she remains sleeping for the night. Not that she’s a bad sleeper, but in the past month or two she’s struggled from time to time and I think we are still recovering from our night that resulted in her waking up at 9pm and staying awake until 1am. I think that happened Tuesday..or Monday…at some point this week it happened.

As I’m sure anyone who has gone through the first year with a new baby can attest, the days are long at times, but the weeks and months fly by. Erin and I were just talking a little bit ago and discussing the past year. Did we miss it? It seems like just yesterday we were in the hospital with this new baby and now she’s walking, talking, and has one of the most insanely awesome personalities ever!

This kid has been the epitome of badass coming through her first surgery back in August like it was nothing and is prepping for surgery number two in just a few weeks (April 25th to be exact). For this one, the doctors will be fixing the cleft of her palate and will be doing her first nose/lip revision. Not that it’s overly easy to see in photos, but there is about a 1mm rise in her lip where the cleft lip scar was and the doctor wants to fix it. It’s crazy to think that 1mm is going to make that much of a difference, but knowing that our doctor is THAT particular about making sure it’s done right is reassuring. He’s also going to work to build up the interior wall of the left side of her nose as it’s caved a bit. Again, it’s something that is relatively hard to tell unless you look for it, but is both cosmetic and structural for her.

For this surgery we will have to stay overnight at Hershey so that they can monitor her throughout the night. Rarely if ever do they run into issues, but because the surgery does get very close to her airway they want to be the ones on high alert rather than us staring at her all night making sure nothing happens such as swelling that could block the airway. It’s going to be a long day and night, but like we did before, we’ll get through it and our little badass will prove once again that she is tougher than me.

I may be able to lift her with one hand (not gonna lie, my arms look awesome in this picture), but my strength has been coming through her since the day she was born.

So while that surgery is coming up soon, today is what I started the blog about and want to recap parts of the last few months.

Since her surgery she’s gone from crawling on November 3rd to pulling herself up to standing on December 20th, taking a few steps on February 6th and has been walking (and sometimes I swear she’s running) since March 7th.

She’s popped through eight teeth so far (we’re pretty sure it would be nine but the cleft may have prevented one baby tooth on the top left) including her first molar on April 1st. I know everyone says that teething is the worst, but no…they lie…teething isn’t THAT bad…until its a molar. THAT. WAS. HORRIBLE.

Speaking of that cute little mouth, she’s talking…well at least a few words so far…but the one that hasn’t come yet is the one that is killing me.  Still no “dada” at all! I swear if she calls me “mama” and then points at me and laughs one more time, I’m going to go crazy.

Here’s Isabella in her favorite chair. It’s super special to me because my grandfather hand crafted this awesome little rocking chair for her and surprised us with it. Not only is it special because he made it, it’s special because it’s a piece that Isabella will be able to keep with her for my future grandchildren as well.

I want to wrap up this blog before it starts to get out of hand and just rambling on (yes I know, the fact that I’m saying that probably means it already has) but whatever, I’m a first time dad with an amazing little girl. (Definitely not a bias statement at all!)

Life may not have dealt us the easiest hand over the last year or so, but we just simply adapt and overcome no matter what happens. Isabella has helped me through some rough times and my job is to help her through hers. Here’s to one year down and a million more to go. I love you Isabella Grace. You keep your momma and me on our toes and we wouldn’t have it any other way!

It’s been a week…

It’s official…as of 9:45am this morning Isabella Grace is 1 week old. To us, its crazy. Not so much that she’s a week old, but more that we are parents for a week now. So far it’s been all everyone says it would be and probably more. It has been fun, crazy, scary, loving, tiring, inspiring, incredible, and so many other words that I can’t even think of right now.

Once again, before we get into our experiences so far, we have a few thank you’s to share. To both of our sets of parents, they’ve been extremely supportive and helpful through the first week. To my siblings and our friends, thank you so much for your support and caring. We know Isabella is loved beyond words.  To the staff of PSU Hershey Medical Center, from the doctors, the nurses, our amazing speech therapist Lori, and everyone else, a heartfelt thank you. We had such an amazing experience even with some testing situations along the way. And finally, to Megan.  Thank you again for coming out and taking photos of our journey. Every photo you see in this post, (and likely others to come after it) are courtesy of the amazing Megan Huppman. Check out all of the pics HERE.

So now for the 1-week recap…

Above you’ll see the final photo of Erin pre-baby. Obviously still looking amazing and barely showing that tummy off at all. Shortly after this she got her IV and then walked to the delivery room. They continued to prep Erin for the c-section as I stood and paced in my jumpsuit. That may have been the longest 33 minutes of my life.

Finally the nurse came and got me to make that same walk that Erin just made to the delivery room. I walked in and saw all of the people that would be participating in the procedure. And as soon as I was safely behind the curtain they began.

Things progressed but did take some time and I could tell that Isabella wasn’t going to come out without a fight. We later found out that she was transverse with her head to Erin’s left side, and her back facing outward. As the doctor said, “One of the hardest positions to deliver.” Of course she was. Why would we ever expect anything different?

About 11-12 minutes after they started I was told that if I wanted to stand up and look that it would be the time to do it. I did and while what was happening at first wasn’t exactly what I expected, a short time later I saw something that I’ll never be able to unsee. My beautiful daughter for the very first time. There she was. In living color, sound, and everything. It was intense to say the least. I looked down at Erin and said, “She’s here” and then immediately sat down. Not because of blood or anything surgical…but because when all you have is a small rolling stool to sit on and that emotional of a moment happens…you don’t want to miss when you do sit down.  Not to mention…knives.

We immediately heard the cry. It was small. Almost a coo, but within a few seconds and with the assistance of the amazing nurses who suctioned all of the fluid out of her mouth she was crying like the best of them. I walked over and saw her up close for the first time and quickly took a photo on my phone so that Erin could see our daughter’s face.

That was intense too. Showing Erin her daughter while she’s still in the middle of a MAJOR surgery. But it didn’t matter. The curtain separated us from them. That other room was so far away. We had our little family space and soon Isabella would be ready to join us there…after being cleaned up and measured of course.

7lbs 8oz, and 19 inches long. That’s crazy for 37 weeks and from a girl who just about anyone who didn’t know her would have probably thought her due date was in July or later. But that was our girl.

Just before Erin’s procedure was finished Isabella and I made our way down the hall and back to Erin’s room. It was sort of surreal. I just walked out of the delivery room with my baby in a bassinet and that was that. NICU and the Pediatric teams all cleared her almost immediately. After a LONG procedure and additional fibroids needing to come out just to close her up Erin joined us in the room. Now Erin got to truly hold our baby for the first time. 

Later in the day our parents all came in and met Isabella for the first time. We had several visitors throughout our time at the hospital and it truly showed just how loved Isabella is not only by us but by many.

Things got a little interesting later in the evening after everyone headed home. We were told that with a “normal” delivery much of the amnionic fluid is pushed out of the baby due to the birth canal. But with the c-section that doesn’t happen. Isabella, while in my arms, spit up some of that fluid and began to choke on it a bit and held her breath. The nurses immediately swooped in and helped remedy the situation. While extremely scary for a guy who’s been a “dad” for about 12 hours, the nurses said it was something they’ve seen before. We decided to send her to the newborn nursery that evening just because we knew that neither of us would sleep.

Apparently overnight she did it again and the NICU and Pediatric teams got together and decided that even though her oxygen levels dropped for only an instant both times and they couldn’t replicate what had happened that she would be heading to the NICU for observation.

Just seconds before we found out that Isabella was going to be heading upstairs for the NICU observation Erin was going to need two units of blood due to her levels. Luckily we were able to go with Isabella to the NICU so that we at least knew where she was exactly and then headed back to Erin’s room for blood and lunch. Well just lunch for me.

After a solid day in the NICU, Isabella was moved to the Continuing Care Unit (think, NICU light) for continued observation but she was looking good. Feeding her with a bottle was still a task, but we were getting there. By Saturday evening, Isabella was literally “kicked out” of the CCU because they needed the bed and she was stable and looking good. We were overjoyed. Isabella was back with us, and Erin was making the progress that she needed to get discharged as well. Easter Sunday was going to be our release from the hospital.

Megan came Sunday morning and took a ton of photos. If you haven’t already, please click that link above and check them all out. I don’t think we could have asked for more amazing photos of our journey. Our daughter was coming home.

We got in the car and started home. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more pressure while driving. We got home and were on our way as a cute little family.

Sunday was good, Isabella ate, and the dogs welcomed her home. Honestly, it was like they knew she was coming and were super happy to finally meet her. It was awesome to see. Chase still whines whenever Isabella cries. It’s like he’s trying to sooth her. (It doesn’t work.)

Since Sunday, we’ve had two doctor appointments, mostly just weight checks. No concerns, just trying to get her to totally rebound on weight and start packing the pounds back on. Feeding with a cleft lip/palate baby is tough. For now, it will only be Erin and I feeding her since there is such a learning curve not only for the person who has to hold the bottle, but also for Isabella to learn how that new person will be holding and aiming the bottle. It’s not like a typical baby. You can’t just hold them and keep the bottle in their mouth and have a conversation with someone else. You can’t watch TV. It’s a full time 100% concentration event. For any other cleft palate/lip parents…stick with it. It’s HARD. REALLY HARD. You’ll get there.

But to wrap up this whole crazy thing…She’s a week old. She’s been here for a week! Thanks again to everyone who has helped us in week 1. Here’s to a million more weeks!!!!

Isabella Grace Has Arrived…

She’s here! Finally! At 9:45am this morning after putting up a heck of a fight to stay inside, she’s here! Ok fine…I won’t delay…here’s the three of us still in the OR this morning.

Ok…so for the details.

 

We got here at 7am and got our room and things got underway. After getting a slight delay for the NICU team to be ready in case it was needed they took Erin back to the OR at 9am to get her going. I got escorted back at 9:33 and things got underway. Within 15 minutes our beautiful baby girl was here and making all kinds of noise.  But of course…like she would…she didn’t make this easy either.

Her official birth time was 9:45…but it likely could have been about 9:41 or 9:42 if she didn’t put up such a fight.  She was transverse and had her back facing out. The team we had with us was amazing and kept everything calm and moving forward despite the difficult baby that refused to help.

So…for everyone who put in an official guess the other day on Facebook…you all lose.  Some were close…guessing length but not weight, or weight but not length, but no one was dead on for both.

Isabella Grace weighed in at 7lbs 8oz and 19 inches. For being 37 weeks, we are beyond happy with her size and can’t image how big she would have been at 40.

It’s been a crazy day with lots going on but we definitely want to thank both of our sets of parents and families that offered support throughout the day. We’ve had amazing care and amazing support from everyone at PSU Hershey Med and know that they will continue to take care of us in the days, weeks, months, and years to come.

It’s taken a while for me to get a chance to sit down with the laptop and share all of this, and we even considered just making a quick post on Facebook and doing a blog post later, but that didn’t seem right. We’ve created this blog so that people beyond our Facebook friends can follow. This blog is for everyone who has ever struggled to conceive and/or have a cleft palate/lip baby. We are sharing our story to help each and every one of you and we truly appreciate your support!

 

Once again….ISABELLA GRACE IS HERE!!!!!!

Two Weeks from Tonight…

In just two short weeks (as long as little Miss Isabella Grace doesn’t decide to be a total diva…shhh don’t let her know that’s an option) we’ll be making final preparations in the house, going out to dinner together, and HOPEFULLY getting some sleep on our final night as a family of two. Then on the morning of April 12th…we are heading to the hospital to meet our daughter!

With that said, most of the “preparing” is over. We’ve completed the nursery, the car seats are in and we’re finalizing the “go bags” tonight. In the last few weeks we’ve definitely noticed that the animals know something is going on. They’ve become very cuddly. They check out the swing and highchair and other baby stuff, but they have been very good about not messing with anything.

We’ve been using this time as a time to reconnect, a time to simply enjoy “us” as us. We’ve been talking to Isabella every night. It’s crazy to already know that this girl is going to be sassy and love to dance. The second that “The Voice” comes on the TV she’s rolling and moving around for two straight hours. What can I say? The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

I think it’s also been a time to reflect. At least it has been for me. Back in December when we found out about the cleft lip and palate we were obviously taken back by the news. But now, with time to think and reflect on everything, I think we are prepared. We have friends who had to deal with life changing baby news within minutes of their son being born, and I’m still in awe of how well they’ve handled everything. I feel like we are lucky. We’ve been able to learn over the second half of the pregnancy and there is already a plan in place. It’s comforting.

With only one more appointment scheduled (possibly another one next week too) we are in the home stretch with our prenatal team at Hershey. The entire staff, from the doctors to the nurses to the people checking us in and out of appointments, they’ve all been incredible throughout. This will likely be our final post before sharing the news that Isabella has arrived and we’ll be sure to share a photo of her as well.

The pregnancy journey is almost over…but our family journey is about to begin.

Seriously? Only 5 more weeks?

It’s been a crazy journey so far. From those first little pictures of basically just a black hole, to the 3D ultrasound where we can finally see her, it’s been crazy. But we both know that the crazy is just about to get started.

Over the last few weeks we’ve really been able to see the changes. Isabella has gotten A LOT stronger. She’s also gotten a lot bigger. We have been going in for growth checks every three weeks and when we went in for the last one on February 27th we got some pretty crazy news.  On February 6th, Isabella was estimated to be 2lbs 10oz and about 58th percentile. Now, just three weeks later she’s being estimated at 4lbs 10oz, and 93rd percentile. She’s definitely hit her growth spurt and Erin’s ribs have the bruises to prove it.

Copyright: Megan Huppman

We also had a great time on Sunday even though it was only about 40 degrees outside with our friend Megan who is learning more and more about her camera and wanted to do a maternity shoot with us. We explored Pinchot State Park and got a few great shots. You can see all of the pictures here. Thanks again Megan.

We’d also like to publicly thank everyone who had to do with planning, setting up for, or even simply just attending Erin’s shower. It was incredible to see and feel the love in that room for Isabella already. We’ve gotten her nursery just about completely set up at this point, and just have a few more odds and ends to pick up before the big day.

Speaking of the big day, we know exactly what day that is now.  Officially, April 12th is our c-section date. Obviously Isabella could have a mind of her own (and if her personality is any indication, SHE DOES) and push that date up but we’re on the schedule for that day. It’s only 5 more weeks. It’s crazy.

I think I speak for both of us in saying that we feel extremely blessed to be at this point. Last year it felt like it would never happen, and then it did. We actually just heard from a friend of ours that they are now expecting too. They were one of the first people to reach out after we started this blog and let us know that they were thankful for us putting it out. They were only beginning their journey toward parenthood but it gave them the hope to know that eventually, it would happen. For anyone who is still out there struggling. Just keep with it. It will happen in due time.

p.s. I can’t wait to do this picture again, and have my daughter sitting next to me.

Thank You For The Overwhelming Support…and not just for us!

Since we began this blog it’s been a rollercoaster of emotions. The high and lows of struggling to conceive…finally getting that positive test…going to the doctors for weeks on end to make sure it’s a “good pregnancy”…finding out we’re going to have a daughter…finding out she’s going to need surgery…it’s been a whirlwind to say the least but no matter what post we’ve made there has been an outpouring of overwhelming support.

We’ve heard from family, close friends, people we probably haven’t spoken to since high school and even complete strangers but no matter who reached out it’s been an abundantly clear that Erin and I have the strongest network of support we could ever ask for.

When we first launched the blog announcing our pregnancy, but also announcing the tremendous journey it had been to even get to that announcement we received messages from many of you. It was amazing to see not only the support, but how open people were to share their stories as well.  This blog was first started as a way for us to hopefully find a baby to adopt. Now, it’s not only a support system for us (and a therapeutic release for all of my anxieties as we sprint faster and faster toward that mid-April timeline), but it’s also beginning to become a place that others are feeling support as well.

Erin is feeling good at almost 27 weeks.

Struggling to conceive is hard. Not just from an emotional standpoint for each of the parties involved, but as a stress on you as a couple. And if your closest friends or family do know that you’ve been not been able to conceive, it’s an added stress on that relationship as well. They want to hear the good news from you just as bad as you want to hear it for yourself.

As we continue to share our story with this blog we hope you find something positive from it. No matter the journey, you’ll eventually get to where you need to be. It may not make sense at the start, or even along the path, but keep on moving forward. You have no other choice.

Again, thank you to everyone who has reached out. In addition, those of you who who haven’t reached out or commented but have read and taken comfort in knowing that what you are going through isn’t uncommon and isn’t anything you can control…thank you for taking a more silent part in our journey. Let us know if we can ever do anything to support you, because all of you have been supporting us throughout this journey so far.

Merry Christmas…just for Kicks

Since our last post we’ve seen alot of changes. Not only has Erin finally felt like the bump is harder to hide but Isabella has been super active and we’re really enjoying our “family of three” time.

Erin has begun to feel her kicking and punching throughout the day, but she seems to get especially active first thing in the morning, when Erin gets home from work, and then again as we settle into bed.  Last night we decided to check to see if we could actually see her moving rather than just feeling her.  WOW. I wish I could capture video of what I could see. It’s incredible. People always tell you that its really cool when you can feel the baby move, and that you can eventually see them moving a foot or hand across the stomach, but last night I swear she was just showing off. She seemed to push her entire side outward and I think I saw basically the entire arm from her shoulder down and then her hip and entire leg.

On another note, the reality of everything is setting in. We are under 16 weeks from when we may get to meet Isabella. Her nursery is slowly coming together, but with Christmas just days away and New Years Day shortly behind we know we still have a ton of work to get done in a really short time. We took some time on Sunday and had some fun registering at Pottery Barn Kids, and plan to hit Babies R Us later this week or early next week. I’m in complete research mode now since I have several days off of work so if you have any recommendations on “must haves” for new parents feel free to leave them in the comments. I’ll definitely check them all out.

With that said…MERRY CHRISTMAS…for the last time as a family of two.  Wow…that’s weird.  Here’s to 2017 and big changes coming!!!

Our first post…sort of

A few months ago we wrote a blog post. You can find that entire blog post below, unchanged, because it was written with our hearts.

This whole thing hasn’t been easy, but after writing the  blog, and sitting on it…we waited. We didn’t want to share the post until we knew what the next step was going to be. We waited for the inevitable. At least it seemed to be inevitable. One more month. One more fail. One more heartbreak. We made the decision to go back to the doctor. We were going to try to figure out how to financially afford not only a child, but the cost of IVF to finally have one. We had already filled out the paperwork to get on the waitlist for adoption but with that list being about 4 years long, we were going to skip the other options and go right for the best chance at conception…

We were going to wait until we knew for sure that we failed one last time.

But we didn’t.

FINALLY!

It was early in the morning on a Sunday. Not just any Sunday, but the Sunday that Erin was going to be heading to the beach with several of her friends. After feeling like her period would start at any moment for at least 3 days, and being 4 or 5 days “late”, she decided to test. It was 5:15 a.m. Matt was passed out in bed hoping to sleep for another 45 minutes until the rest of the girls got to the house to help pack up the Jeep and see the ladies off to the beach.

Erin walked into our bedroom and simply said (in one of the most serious tones possible), “Matt, you need to wake up and look at this.”

Confusion ensued as Matt thought that one of the dogs had made a mess of the house or something else terrible had happened. Instead, he was shown the test. It said “Pregnant”. Really? Did it really say that? Are we sure? Did it finally actually work? It’s been almost 3 1/2 years…is this real life? Am I really going to be a dad?

All of those questions would have to wait because it’s now 5:35 and the girls are supposed to start arriving at the house at 5:45 a.m.  Ok, we’ve got about 2 minutes to try to process and celebrate and then its back to Erin doing her hair and Matt making sure that everything is set for the girls at the beach.

The girls arrive and we act as though nothing is different even though our entire world has changed in the matter of a few moments in the early morning on a Sunday in August.

We’ll share more about our journey throughout the pregnancy and birth. Our little one is technically due May 3rd, but we’ve already discussed with the doctor that our baby will come somewhere between week 37 and the beginning of week 39…likely closer to the 37 week mark so let’s get ready for an Easter baby!

____________________________

— Original Blog Post As Written in Early August 2016 —

It was a little more than a year ago that Erin first made our situation public via a Facebook post…

While the post doesn’t talk about our struggles with starting a family, it was our first public discussion about it.

Just over 9 months later, we shared a blog that really hit home.

That was our first posts that truly told people exactly what was going on.

But it’s now time to move forward. Since April we have remained unsuccessful in our attempt to begin our family. So as you will be able to read in the Our Goal and Learn More About Us sections we have made a decision that adoption is part of our journey.

(c) Melissa McClain Photography

Our journey begins here in Harrisburg, Pa., and we have no idea what to expect moving forward. All we know is we have each other, and a strong network of family, friends that might as well be family, as well as other friends and co-workers who are supporting us through it all.

We aren’t really sure where exactly our blog is going to take us, when we will be able to finally begin our family, or even how often we’ll post. Our promise is that we will continue to share this journey in hopes that someone else draws hope and inspiration to take their own journey as others that have posted theirs and helped us through this emotional rollercoaster.

(c) Melissa McClain Photography